“Abandon
hope all ye who enter here:
the royals as you’ve never imagined
them — before Series One, that is! — in
the hilarious and utterly un-PC send-up
of the unguarded moments of our
beloved Queen’s family, the irreverent
comedy The Windsors: Series Three...”
IMAGINE, OR RATHER DON'T (!), the royal family at their most outrageous with
all the jealousies, resentments and bitchiness that can be dredged up to take
us one step beyond what might have been. TheWindsors: Series Three
is here to cheer us up in this time of uncertainty as the nation is stuck in
Coronavirus-enforced lockdown.
Pity
they missed that one, or they would have had even more of a field day. As it
is, the royals are striking for more pay as they cannot believe anyone would
expect them to live on the meagre income allotted to them from the Sovereign
Grant without a serious increase. And guess who is the "scab"? Surely not the
second-in-line to the throne…!
“This
rib-achingly,
hysterical and eminently
attention-grabbing
spoof comes together
with majestically irreverent precision...”
Camilla
(Haydn Gwynne: Rome) is up to her old tricks again and is determined
to split up the too-popular 'fab four' of former-gypsy Kate (Louise Ford: Crashing),
Wills (Hugh Skinner: Fleabag), Meghan (Kathryn Drysdale: Two Pints
of Lager and a Packet of Crisps) and Harry (Tom Durant-Pritchard: Judy).
As it is, Kate and Wills have no idea that Meghan and Harry were pulling away
from them to "consciously uncouple" and have their separate court until they
watch the Sussex's go public. Meghan feels she has been silenced and, as she
says, "if your lips are sealed, your message cannot be heard".
The ghost of Queen Victoria (the utterly fabulous Miriam Margolyes: Harry
Potter) gives Wills advice and Meghan sees Kate write something on a banana,
believing she is being mocked.
Anne (Vicki Pepperdine) falls in love with David Beckham (Terry Mynott), who
may just be using her to gain his knighthood, but HRH is prepared to forget
him and continue making minor dignitaries she's never met before feel uncomfortable.
Beatrice (Ellie White: Stath Lets Flats) and her sister Eugenie (Celeste
Dring: Wanderlust) launch a new drinks company but something very serious
goes wrong.
The girls and their mother Fergie (Katie Wix: Agatha Raisin) go to Glastonbury,
where Beatrice falls in love with hippy Ash (Amer Chadha-Patel) after being
forced to mix with the common folk.
Misunderstanding a telephone conversation between a supplier and Michael Middleton
(Simon Day) whom Wills looks up to more than his own father, Camilla believes
he and his wife Carole (Julia Deakin) are out to dispose of her and Charles
(Harry Enfield: Harry Enfield and Chums) in order to see their daughter
as Queen of England. Camilla sets out to poison them, but will she realise her
mistake before it is too late?
The common-as-muck Middletons have capitalised on their associations with royalty
and would benefit even more being close to the new King and Queen: "One daughter
married to the future King of England and the other married to a billionaire.
Not bad for a former trolley-dolly," brags Carole, telling Camilla that the
public will never accept her as Queen.
Pippa (Morgana Robinson: Toast of London) is still insanely jealous of
her sister Kate, and despite being married with son Arthur she lusts after Harry.
Is she about to experience the real thing (aka the royal fling)? Take heart:
could she miss a beat!
Fergie's penchant for money-making inspires her to rope in Beatrice and Eugene
as chalet girls and invite some wealthy paying guests to her little place in
Verbier. One of them is Edo (Mateo Oxley) and he and Beatrice fall truly, madly
and deeply in love. A shame her father Andrew (Tim Wallers) may not be able
to give her away at their wedding because of the "unpleasantness".
Edward (Matthew Cottle), a buffoon, strives to help Wills gain his much-desired
Duke of Edinburgh award and very wisely the Queen and Prince Philip stay well
away from their mutinous offspring.
Throw in Donald Trump (Corey Johnson) playing Charles and Camilla off against
Kate and Wills, promising them they will become King and Queen of America, and
Charles being possessed by the devil (Gianni Calchetti) and this rib-achingly,
hysterical and eminently attention-grabbing spoof comes together with majestically
irreverent precision. Pity about the odd lavatory humour. The Windsors is funny
enough without resorting to that.
The Windsors: Series Three also features: Tom Stourton as Jack; Abe Buckoke
as Hipster; and Milanka Brooks as Princess Svetlana.
Music is by Ian Masterson; Cinematography is by Daniel Trapp; Written by George
Jeffrie and Bert Tyler-Moore; Producer is Paul Schlesinger; Executive Producers
are Camilla Campbell and Robert Wulff-Cochrane; and Directed by Amanda Blue.
* Steering us through the palace gates for
a fly-on-the-wall view of the imagined rebellious royals, the satirical sit-com
The Windsors returned to Channel4 for a third series and graces DVD and
Digital Download with its presence, courtesy of Acorn Media International, on
6 April 2020.
The Windsors: Series Three — Running Time: 144 Minutes | Catalogue
No: AV3578 | RRP: £19.99
The Windsors: Series One to Three (plus Wedding and Christmas Specials)
— Running Time: 528 Minutes on Four Discs | Catalogue No: AV3579 | RRP:
£29.99
"The Windsors: Series Three… this rib-achingly, hysterical and eminently
attention-grabbing spoof comes together with majestically irreverent precision"
— ****
Maggie Woods, MotorBar
"Hilarious… boy, do they have some fun" — *****
Pick of the Day, Daily Mail
"Couldn't be more on the money" — ****
Pick of the Day, Daily Star
"Fabulously rude, unrelentingly silly royal satire… all but the most ardent
royalist ought to admire its brazen exuberance" — Critic's Choice, Times
Saturday Review
"Much to treasure… like treacle pudding laced with British sherry" — Financial
Times
“Abandon
hope all ye who enter here: